


In The Beginning

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This began when I remembered the line about God not creating Adam and Steve, and I thought, of course not, God created Tony and Steve.</p></blockquote>





	In The Beginning

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Steve woke up with a sore place in his side, and a new animal lying next to him. The new animal looked a lot like Steve, except that it was a little smaller and a little softer, and it had prettier hair. He nudged it until it woke up. "Hello," he said. "I'm Steve. God made me to be the first man."

The new animal looked at Steve. "Why?"

Steve was puzzled. "Why, what?"

"Why did God make you? What are you _for_? What do you do?"

Steve was a bit uncomfortable. None of the other animals asked questions. In fact none of the others said anything at all. "I'm to have dominion over the Earth, in particular over all other animals."

"Just because you're the first man?" The new animal pointed at some of the others. "Why not go by size? Look, that one's really big."

"Elephant," Steve supplied. "I named that one Elephant. It's also my job to name things. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, I should name you. You're Eve."

The new animal raised an eyebrow. "I think Elephant is a stupid name, and Eve is even more ridiculous. I'll find my own name, thank you." The other animal got up and looked at its hands. "You know, I'm pretty sure the reason you and I have hands instead of walking on all fours like most of the others is that we're supposed to do things with them."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." The new animal was clever, and really, very pretty. Steve was glad God made it. "Like this?" He reached out and twined his fingers with the new animal's hand.

"Well, no... but actually, that's nice. We can do that, too." The new animal tugged at Steve's hand. "I want to... see what we can do with our hands." It smiled at him, and Steve felt that whatever it wanted to do was all right with him. Steve followed it, and laughed as it picked up things and tried to do things with them. Hedgehog wasn't happy about being picked up, but rocks and sticks and long plant stems didn't care. New animal could do things that Steve's bigger fingers found difficult but he wasn't jealous at all. He liked watching and listening to new animal talk- and new animal never stopped talking, even when it had nothing sensible to say. Steve was fascinated by this. He was used to spending his days in quiet contemplation, with the occasional serious discussion with God, so he was distracted and didn't notice they were approaching the Tree.

He pulled back. "Stop. That's the Tree."

New animal looked at him. "There's lots of trees. Don't you give them separate names?"

"That's the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. God has told me I'm not to eat of its fruit."

New animal frowned. "Why? What's wrong with Knowledge?"

"I... I don't know, really. But God said not to."

"And didn't tell you why? Will it make you sick?"

"Maybe. I don't know. Let's go somewhere else."

"No." New animal's frown deepened. "God didn't say I couldn't eat it, did he?"

"Well. Not as such, but that's because you weren't here, I think."

"How do you know that? Maybe God made me because I'm supposed to eat the fruit. And then I'll know what hands are for."

Steve isn't sure this is right, but it sort of makes sense. "I'll ask God next time I see him."

"Maybe this is a test. To show you deserve to have dominion over everything. How can you have dominion if you don't know what's best for all the other animals?"

"That's... a good question." Steve let go of the new animal's hand and scratched his head.

"And the answer is in the fruit." New animal pulled a fruit off and sniffed it. "It smells good."

"I... really don't think you ought to."

New animal sank white teeth into the red fruit and crunched down. "Oh! It tastes wonderful." New animal looked at Steve and smiled. Then it looked at itself and giggled. "I'm stark naked."

"Oh, Stark is a nice name." 

Stark giggled again. "No, well, all right, that'll do for a last name."

"Last name? Animals only have one."

"We're not animals. We're people! We're men! I'm... Tony! Tony Stark." Tony had another bite of the apple and looked Steve over again. Steve felt a little strange because of how closely Tony was looking at him. "And you shall be Steve... Rogers. Yes. Rogers would be perfect. I like Rogers. Have a bite, Steve." Tony licked the juice running down his chin. "Please?" And he looked at Steve with such wide, soft eyes that Steve didn't have the heart to refuse.

"Well...maybe a little." Steve took the apple and bit into it. Then he looked at Tony and grinned. "This is good. But I bet you taste even better." He pulled Tony close and pressed their lips together.

***

When God returned to the Garden, he saw Tony perched on a branch in the Tree surrounded by apple cores. Steve was lying on the ground below, using a stick to sketch Tony's 'snake' in the dirt.

God sighed. "Back to the drawing board."

**Author's Note:**

> This began when I remembered the line about God not creating Adam and Steve, and I thought, of course not, God created Tony and Steve.


End file.
